


The Give and the Get

by misura



Category: Proof of Life (2000)
Genre: Birthday Party, Community: smallfandomfest, M/M, Pre-Canon
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-04
Updated: 2013-01-04
Packaged: 2017-12-21 08:08:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,011
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/897949
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misura/pseuds/misura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The art of negotiation, as applied to birthday parties.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Give and the Get

**Author's Note:**

  * For [taibhrigh](https://archiveofourown.org/users/taibhrigh/gifts).



> prompt: _Terry/Dino, it's not about the money_

The finer arts of negotiation come with a set of rules that are both simple and elegant. Easy.

What it all comes down to, in the end, is that you've got something they want, and they've got something you want, and really, there's no reason whatsoever all of you can't go home happy.

Believe it, and you can sell it. Get them to buy, set a price, and close the deal. No fuss, and nobody gets hurt or ends up feeling like they've been cheated.

Believe it, and that's how it's going to be.

 

"Is it the money? It's the money, isn't it? How about another five? We can do another five."

On the other hand, sometimes, when the going's gotten tough, someone's going to lose their cool. Not cool. These are not good situations to be in.

"Ten? We can do ten."

Not just for the party that's lost their cool. Not cool people often turn into desperate people, and desperate people do desperate things. In this context, 'desperate' generally translates to 'dumb'. Nobody wants that. People who do dumb things don't make good, rational decisions.

"It's not the money," Terry said. "Look - "

"No. No, no, no," Phillip said, because Phillip was a prat like that. "No, you look, Terry. We've got the cake, we've got the presents, we've got the candles, we've got a room full of guests - now ask me what we haven't got. Go on, ask."

"I'm not going to ask," Terry said. "I know what you haven't got. You told me, Phil. We've been over this."

"Phillip."

"You came up to - you walked up to me, and right in front of everyone, you told me. You said 'hey, Terry, I just got a call - remember that stripper we hired for Dino's birthday party? she's not coming'."

"Yes, I did. Sixty-five?"

"I'm not going to jump out of a cake dressed like a playbunny for sixty-five pounds, Phil. It's not happening. No way, no how."

"Right."

"Right. So glad we got that cleared up. Now, let me - "

"Isn't this where you tell me I should give you a number you can work with?"

" - call someone I know who might be able to help out," Terry finished, fishing his cellphone out of his pocket and blindly dialing a number. "This is not a negotiation, Phil. I'm not stringing you along for a better price. I'm just - yes, hello. This is Terry Thorne, speaking. Hi. I was wondering if - "

"It's not the same. I mean, we all _know_ , Terry."

"Hold, please." Terry lowered his phone. "You all know? What do you know, Phil?"

"You know," Phillip said. "That you and Dino - you know."

"I don't know," Terry said. "That's why I'm asking, Phil. I'm asking, because I _don't_ know."

"A hundred, and you can forget about the costume."

"Yes, hi. Sorry to keep you waiting. It seems I dialed a wrong number. My apologies, and you have a nice day, now."

 

"A hundred pounds," Dino said, much later.

They were sitting in Terry's hotel room, because Terry's house was now Terry's ex-wife's house, and while she didn't mind putting up Terry for the odd night that he was in London, she drew a very firm and non-negotiable line at letting him bring guests over.

Also, she didn't feel Terry's 'guests' would be a good influence on her son.

(' _Our_ son,' Terry had said, and she'd let him have that one, in exchange for everything else.)

"No costume," Terry said. "No stripping. I thought it was a good price. I'll give it to that charity with all the TV ads - you know the one. Five pounds, and we can feed a hungry kid for a whole week. Twenty happy kids."

"I think that for a hundred pounds, you get a well."

"That's even better, right?"

"So what would it have taken to get the costume and the stripping?"

"Do you want to know professionally, or is this just idle curiosity? I mean, two months from now, and it'll be me, pretending I'm all surprised you guys remembered it's my birthday - not that long from now."

"I don't think they're going to make me that kind of offer."

"No, you're right. You'd probably do it for the hell of it."

Dino grinned. "Well, some of us are just crazy."

"And not afraid to let it show," Terry agreed. "You're wrong, by the way."

"I doubt that. About what?"

"Phil agreed a hundred wasn't enough for a striptease, so we renegotiated."

"And?"

"And we came to an agreement."

"That does sound like you."

"I'm a very agreeable person."

"So what do I get?" Dino asked. "Striptease, lap dance, blowjob, what?"

"Any or all of the above," Terry said. "You just have to pay for it yourself. Still, after some very hard bargaining, I let Phil talk me down to giving you a ten percent discount on everything. Only for tonight."

"Ten percent off nothing is still nothing."

"I've got five hundred pounds saying you're wrong."

 

The essential part to make sure of in any negotiation is that you have to know you can deal. They need to have what you want, and they need to know that you're not going to let them have what they want, unless you get something back. Nobody pays for a dead hostage.

Nobody pays a crazy guy to dress up like a playboy bunny and jump out of an enormous cake to perform a striptease to the tune of _'Hot Stuff'_. (Although money did change hands, on that occasion, it was mostly the other way around. Apparently, some people just don't appreciate the idea of hosting a birthday bash in their hotel and having that sort of scene going on. To say nothing of the guy who made the cake.)

Still, if everyone walks away happy and alive at the end of the day, you know you've done your job.

And if you get to stay, and get another striptease in a much more private setting, you know you've done it well. Happy endings all around.


End file.
